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Joseph from “Breath, Eyes, Memory” by Edwidge Danticat
In my fantasy dream world, this Joseph would play that Joseph. There’s only one male character in this book who isn’t a rapist, so I thought I’d focus on him. Dudes are pretty much on the back-burner...
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Pedro from “Like Water for Chocolate” by Laura Esquivel
This would be really romantic if you weren’t married to her sister. This book had a lot of blah blah about food that I just skipped. I know the recipes had some kind of hidden meaning in the text, but...
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Deuce Garland from “Unmentionables” by Laurie Loewenstein.
Don’t worry. It’s not really about underwear. “Unmentionables” is a book about a forward-thinking feminist named Marian trapped in a more conservative town. Like, back in the day. Like, back during WWI...
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Tobias from “Animorphs” by KA Applegate.
Wow, this is pretty much exactly as I imagined him. Who remembers the Animorphs series? Teenagers turn into animals, fight brain-sucking aliens, save the world, lose their souls in the process. In...
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The Savage from “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley
For everyone here who got here because they’re in Honors English, BNW is basically “Wall-E” but for adults. Huxley predicted the Wall-E-ification of humanity while dystopian writers like Orwell thought...
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Frankenstein from “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley.
Why was this the cover? If this is how the monster looked, everything would have been just fine. Give him pants and he’d be the Marlboro Man. I’m talking about Victor Frankenstein, the doctor who made...
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Hagrid from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
LEGO HAGRID YES. I’m not interested in Harry because he’s like, a child for most of the series. That’s a little too creepy. While we all know Harry ends up becoming a grown ass hottie, I can’t in good...
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Aslan from “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” by CS Lewis
Wow, someone made a sexy Mr. Tumnus. I may have to do this next. Damn. I don’t want to hear about how Aslan symbolizes Jesus, or how having sex with animals is wrong. We all know Aslan the Lion is...
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Chase from “Crank” by Ellen Hopkins
Meth is like one of those, “I give up on life totally” drugs. This book is filled with sleazebags, rapists, absent fathers and drug addicts who drive their girlfriends to suicide. It was hard enough to...
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Augustus Waters from “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green.
You’ve probably seen this everywhere. Here it is again. I have been gone for a while due to grad school and, you know, my own book. I’ll end my hiatus with this one because everyone on Tumblr is...
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Chewbacca from “Turtles All the Way Down” by John Green
YA books are always tricky because, well, the characters are underage. So I decided to review the one sexually active, male character in the book who is definitely of legal age . . . because he is from...
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